The Annoying Trauma Response Born of Narcissistic Abuse: Overexplaining, Explained

“Oh jeez, I’m talking way too much. I’m being totally obnoxious. Why am I like this?” — Me responding to a genuine question from a friend

Photo by author: Veronica Wren

I’ve mentioned before that during the entirety of our time together, my abuser rarely left me alone in a room for more than a few minutes.

He spent five years smothering me with his possessive tendencies and ever-escalating jealousy. His constant need for control led him to increasingly invasive behaviors such as going through my phone, computer, and journal; monitoring me via a location-sharing app; and demanding photographic evidence to confirm I was telling the truth about where I was and who I was with.

These weren’t one-time occurrences, either. These behaviors and more became the norm in his quest for absolute domination over something he believed was his to possess: me.

If I was in the shower, you could bet he spent that time going through my phone. If I were to go anywhere without him, even work, I was expected to be in constant contact. He was caught driving by my location to check up on me on multiple occasions. I hated to hear my texting notificat…